


find a friend to pull, and we can watch it unravel

by macdonalds



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bad Jokes, Everyone Thinks They're Together, F/F, F/M, Feelings, Feferi is dead, Fluff, Heart Break, Highschool AU, Homophobic Slurs, Homosexual characters, Japanese Character(s), Kissing, Lesbians, M/M, No Game AU, Physical Abuse, Prisonish au, Vandalism, Verbal Abuse, aranea and meenah are rlly good friends, aranea and vriska are sisters, but very motherly, criminal activity, damara used to have a crush on meenah, dave has a crush on rose, daves bro is abusive as well, eridan has a brit accent smh, gamzee is a stoner, happy stuff, jade harley is a ball of sunshine, jake is punkish, jane and john are brother and sister, jane crocker is quite chubby, john is also goth, no ectobiology, porrim and kanaya are sisters, porrim is also punk, puns, rose and roxy are sisters, rose gets abused by her mom, rose is goth, sad shit, terezi doesnt know if she should let go of karkat, they kinda are, they totally are, vriska visits meenah a whole lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 04:24:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7493721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macdonalds/pseuds/macdonalds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are Vriska. You have feelings for a criminal.<br/>You are Dave. You are abused by your brother.<br/>You are Rose. Your mom doesn't give a shit about you.<br/>You are Jade. You are afraid of outside.<br/>You are Damara. You still love her.<br/>You are Meenah. You are lost.<br/>You are Jane. You are happy.<br/>You are Karkat. You hate yourself.<br/>You are Terezi. You can't see the beauty of life.<br/>You are Roxy. You drink your problems away.<br/>You are Jake. You try.<br/>You are Dirk. You don't know how to express your feelings.<br/>You are Porrim. You never have time for yourself.<br/>You are Kanaya. You are questioning everything.<br/>You are Aranea. You want to be close to someone.<br/>You are Feferi. You are dead.</p><p>//discontinued.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. funeral

"And today, in honor of Feferi Peixes, my beloved daughter, we shall light a candle." Feferi's mother says, trying very hard not to cry. You had no idea if she was capable of holding this ceremony, since she looked as if she could barely even stand.

 

"In honor of Feferi," All of your friends chant in unison. Only you didn't, because you weren't sure if you were supposed to. Meenah was threatened by her little sister, and you didn't know how to feel about the whole 'i murdered my only sister cuz my parents love her more' thing.

At the same time, you loved and supported Meenah no matter what she did.

"In honor of Feferi," you finally say, hesitantly. What would Meenah think?

 

"Hey, Vriska!" John half whispers-screams at you, trying to catch your attention.

"Where's Meenah?" You gulped at his question and smiled. "Bathroom." You point out, even though she wasn't at the bathroom.

He nods and says a light 'oh'. "Man, it must be tough."

He went on, "Having your sister being cut up by some maniac. Tell Meenah i'm here if she needs anything."

You almost scoff at the last sentence, as if she would need anything from you, you thought. "I will." You shrug. John walks away and eventually gets lost in the crowd of people.

After a few grueling hours of other people weeping, you walk off after the ceremony ends. Your phone buzzes.

 

MEENAH: hey

MEENAH: is dat shit over yet

MEENAH: cuz i kinda wanna try that new thai restaurant out

AG: For someone who just murdered their sister a few days ago, you seem pretty chill.

MEENAH: whatev

MEENAH: are you comin or nah

AG: Text me the adress.

MEENAH: aight


	2. see ya toots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Meenah go to a thai restaurant, share your millionth kiss with her, and, well, she gets arrested and blows you a kiss when she's rudely shoved into the back of cop car.

"So, whaddya wanna eat?" Meenah buries her face into the menu, and you smile.

You, also look at the menu, and after a few seconds you say "Kung Pao chicken." in a crooked and horrible accent. She kisses you for your effort.

Meenah looks away from her menu and looks at the one in front of you, she nods and when the waiter comes she says the same thing as you do, well, at least she tries.(she actually says 'kung fu chicken, and then laughs hardily). You also order a cola, Meenah scoffs and says 'pepsi is way better though'.

 

The food arrives in about half an hour, and Meenah was slightly agitated about the late arrival of the food.

She digs in, and is delighted with her food. You, on the other hand, are not.

"What's wrong babe? Scared of kung fu?" She cracks another joke about kung fu, and you can't help but laugh.

"I don't think I like thai food." You point out, pulling your lips into a straight line.

"Wanna get somethin' else?" She tilts her head, a tiny amount of spicy sauce is decorating the corner of her lip.

"No, i'm good. I don't mind the rice," You take a spoonful of rice and eat it.

Meenah continues to devour her food. "Did you eat today?" You ask her thoughtfully.

"No," She says mouth full. You watch her, and the things that are outside from the window. Back and forth, and back, then forth. It continues like this for several minutes. Until something doesn't look quite right.

You look outside of the window again and see multiple police cars.

"The police." You say to Meenah.

"I got a plan." She says with a poker face.

You quickly pay for the food and when you both get up, you hold her hand and run to the bathroom with her.

Both of you stand across from a tight window space, Meenah chuckles and looks at you. "Right, babe. So i'm gunna need you to boost me up." Meenah says, wiping the corners of her mouth with her forearm.

Before you do so, you share a passionate kiss with her, and pretend as if she is your heart and your soul.

You didn't want the moment to end, but instead of kissing her further, you push her away.

You then, boosted her up. She can barely fit through the window and you wince every time she inches out the window.

When she's on the other side, she says "Join the dark side," and winks.

You roll your eyes and go outside via door, and you see that the police are literally everywhere. Before you can reach Meenah, you see that the police have already found her. So much for a plan.

You watch as she's dragged away by the ''popo'' as she'd call it, cussing and kicking and screaming every moment of the way to the police car.

You could only watch as they drag her away, and you bolt towards her.

The cops grab you and stop you from coming in any type of physical contact with her, much to your dismay.

Accepting her fate as she is tucked into the car, she blows you a kiss. The car's siren goes off, and off the car goes. You still run after it even though you know that it won't be much help. You stop after a while, trying to catch your breath.

 

You go home, sad and empty. The emptiness part coming from your stomach, you barely even ate anything.

"I can't believe this," Your older sister exclaims, stomping about.

Aranea looks at you, and hugs you. Aranea hugging you is a rare thing, but you slightly appreciate it.

"I'm sorry," She says.

"How did you--" You  try and question her, talking into her jet black hair.

"The news." She points out, and you sigh.

You break away from the hug and sit across from the television set. The news about Meenah still went on, and it was on almost every single channel. It's only been, what, like an hour since the whole thing happened.

Damn the news. You only cared about your girlfriend.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Aranea asked, plopping down next to you on the beige colored couch.

"She messaged me, after she--" You sighed, and went on.

"She killed her. I thought she was joking." "Why didn't you tell anyone?" Aranea butted in, raising a thin brow.

"What? Because I love her, duh."

"I see. Why did she tell you and not me, i'm her best friend--"

"This shit isn't about you. It's about Meenah. And I miss her already." You got up and went to your room. You stripped yourself of your clothing and plopped on to your bed.

You look at your phone for a while before receiving a message.

GC: DUD3

GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D TO M33N4H

AG: Didn't you see the news?

GC: 1M BL1ND DUMMY

AG: Oh........ 

AG: How do you know then?

GC: 1 H34RD H3R N4M3 ON TH3 N3WS

AG: She did something horri8le.

GC: DO3S 1T H4V3 4NYTH1NG TO DO W1TH F3F3R1S D34TH 

GC: 1 SM3LL SOM3TH1NG F1SHY 

GC: 4ND 1M NOT SUR3 1 L1K3 1T 

GC: T3LL M3

AG: Yes. 

AG: Aaaaaaaand she's the cause of her death in the first place.

GC: HOLY SH1T 

GC: SH3 K1LL3D H3R OWN S1ST3R

AG: She had a good reason. Stop 8laming her!

GC: TH3R3 4R3NT 4NY GOOD R34SONS FOR MURD3R1NG P3OPL3 

GC: 4R3 YOU 4CTU4LLY T4K1NG H3R S1D3

AG: She's my girlfriend! Ofcourse I am.

GC: J3SUS GC: HOW 4R3 YOU HOLD1NG UP

AG: Not very well.

GC: SORRY TO H34R TH4T 

GC: BUT YOUR G1RLFR13NDS 4 MURD3R3R 

GC: 1TS NOT YOUR F4ULT

AG: I know it isn't. 

AG: And nothing is her fault!

GC: STOP TRY1NG TO COMFORT YOURS3LF 

GC: SH3 MURD3R3D F3F3R1 

GC: 1T COULD H4V3 B33N 4NYON3 OF US 

GC: SH3 COULD H4V3 K1LL3D M3 

GC: OR YOU 

GC:  OR JOHN 

GC: OR ROS3 

GC: OR D4V3 

GC:  OR K4RK4T 

GC: 4NYON3

AG: Stop! You know nothing a8out her!

GC: WH4T3V3R 

GC: 1 DO KNOW TH4T SH3 K1LL3D MY FR13ND

AG: She's my girlfriend, Terezi. I love her more than any of you morons. 

AG: I'll have her 8ack through thick and thin! 

AG: Even if she is a 'murderer'.

GC: SO ROM4NT1C

GC: :O


	3. lock your door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is that all you really are?

You are Dave Strider.

"Fuckin' faggot, can't do anythin' right!" Your older brother slurs, waving his half empty beer bottle around. It was the first thing you heard when you got home after a long day of mourning one of your dead friends.

"Whatever, Dirk." You roll your eyes.

Dirk stares at you for a moment, before jumping up and speed walking to where you were standing.

"Listen, you lil' fucker. Ain't no-one allowed to talk back ta' me in this house. Am I clear?" He pokes your chest harshly, half fury and half toxication lingering in his amber colored eyes.

You gulp, and stomp off to your room without saying a word. Ofcourse, your brother never liked when you didn't reply to him. He also didn't like when you did.

Before you could fully shut your door, bro's foot blocking the door from coming in contact with the door frame.

"What'd I tell ya' 'bout not replyin' to me?" Dirk's breath reeked of cheap beer and orange juice.

"Listen, bro. Leave me alone for once. It's friday," You said quietly, but proudly. Proud that you said something. (Even though your ass was about to get beat by your drunk elder brother.)

With a swift move, your brother pushed you away from the door, and hit you in the chest with his left hand, his right hand reaching for his belt. A cracking noise was heard, and you thought he had hit the ground. But then you felt the sharp pain, and couldn't help but try to defend yourself. You deliver a half assed punch to your brothers neck, but it's far off. Your punches you in the face, and you double over and deflate.

You put your arms over your head, although it wasn't much help since he was hitting your torso

  
Crack, after crack after crack, your brother finally stopped hitting you. You could only blink as he walked out of your room.

After a few silent moments, you get out of your rolled up position and sit up, grabbing your laptop and wincing at the pain throughout your whole body. It was getting quite hard to see, you thought. Black eyes were hard to hide. Thank god it was friday.

 

TG: hey

TT: Hello.

TT: What happened again?

TG: im just

TG: done

TG: with everything

TT: I'm sorry to hear that.

TT: Wanna talk about it?

TG: junkyard in 10

TT: Sure thing.

 

You are Rose Lalonde. And you are having trouble fitting into your corset-- Ah, there you go.

You get out of the house hastily, throwing on a pair of old black sneakers. Sneakers, with a dress? Something didn't seem right. Oh well, Dave wouldn't mind.

Ignoring your fashion faux pas, you whistle at a bright taxi cab and you have a seat in front. 

"Where to?" The man asks, slight new yorker accent.

"Uh, the junkyard." You reply.

The man nods and takes you to said destination. When you arrive, you pay the man and he drives off, eager to leave almost.

 

"Thought you wouldn't come, Lalonde." You heard a voice from behind you. 

You smile, and turn around to see Dave with a foul black eye. You touch it and Dave winces immediately, but grows user to the feeling of your cold fingers each second.

"Does it hurt?" You touch his eye with your thumb, rubbing it lightly.

"Have you ever been punched in the face?" He counters, laughing slightly.

You take his hand and guide him to a (surprisingly) clean looking couch. You make him sit down, and follow suit.

"So, what happened."

"Bro's been drinking again--"

"Like always." You correct him, guiding his head to your lap and laying him down.

 

After a few moments, he began to speak again.

"Are you sure this shits clean?" Dave asks you, raising both of his eyebrows.

"Sorta." You shrug, placing your hands on his chin and hair.

 

You caress his hair lovingly, and he closes his eyes. You let out a soft hum.

 

"Tell me, Lalonde. What do you live for?"

"Myself," You look down at his freckled face.

 

"Cliche as fuck," He points out.

"It's a _good_ reason, Dave."

"You're a good reason," You scoff and pat his cheek hard enough to feel like a slap from a child, and light enough to not hurt.

"Nice comeback."

"I try." You raise an eyebrow at his statement, "Okay, okay. I don't." He corrects himself.

 

You smile and look up. Not many stars are out tonight, you thought.

"Isn't that uncomfortable as fuck?" Dave points to your corset.

"It's _fashion_ Dave," You roll your eyes.

"Fuck fashion. You look uncomfortable," He pokes your stomach, earning a laugh that was blocked by your closed mouth.

"Did you--Did you just--?" He pulls his head up from your lap and faces you. 

"No, shut up." You say, trying to keep a straight face.

"Dave. Stop," You say in a more serious tone, he sighs.

"Don't get your knickers in a bunch, Lalonde." You could see him mentally applauding himself for saying such a complex metaphor. Well done, Dave.

"I'm not. I don't like being touched is all," 

"Uh-huh. Anyway," He continues,  
"It's really late.

"Leaving already?" You ask, ready to be disappointed. 

"--Not gunna leave ya'," He drawls out, slight Texan accent present. He probably hates his accent.

"Just felt like pointing it out. Doesn't your family care if you're out this late?"

"Not really. Roxy's God knows where and my mom's probably sleeping."  
"And why call me out here and then point out it's late? Do you actually want me to leave or something--"

"Listen, I wanted you here for a reason, okay?" 

"Elaborate," You huff.

"You're basically one of the only people who make me feel happy, so yeah. Let's not question it any further, aight?"

"Alright," You whisper, suddenly feeling grateful for his answer.

"Didn't know how much I meant to you, Dave." You look up at the stars, then back down at him.

"Don't ruin it," He leans onto your bare and cold shoulder. 

After a few moments of talking about stars, Dave's phone rings and he picks up hesitantly.

"Hey, Bro--"

"Where the fuck are you?"

You look at Dave and immediately feel sorry for him.

"W-with Rose,"

"Jesus, not that whore again," You decide whether you should feel offended or not, but you know Dirk is a complete moron when he's drunk, so you let it pass.

Dave hangs up and takes a semi deep breath. He smiles bitterly at you, and mutters a ''see you on monday,''.

"Stay," You grab his wrist and pull him back to yourself.

"Can't,"

He lightly frees himself from your grip, and flips his skateboard up, as if he was showing off. The thought of him showing himself off, for you in particular, made you smile.

"See you on monday, Dave." You tell him, he turns around to look at you, and you can see his eyes water from even that far away distance.


	4. kill the lights

You go home to see a very angry older brother sitting on the couch.

You stare at him, he stares at you. It goes on like this for a few seconds before you decide to break the silence.

"I'll be going to my room now," You say, he doesn't respond.

You take your skinny jeans off and plop onto your bed, almost glad you didn't reek of motor oil and soggy milk.   
Ah, the junkyard. Your favorite place to go to at night, especially with a good friend. Ehem, a.k.a Rose.

Speaking of Rose, you wonder if she got home or not.  
You pull your phone out from your pocket and text her, hoping for a quick reply.

TG: rose

TG: you home yet?

No immediate reply.   
You click your tongue, and put your arms behind your head. It'd be a good idea for you to find your sunglasses. You haven't seen them for a day now.

You began to rummage through your underwear drawer, nope, not here.

You whistle a quiet tune and look under your bed.

The only items under there were a couple of loose socks with no pairs, a few pokemon cards John had shown to you from a few years back, and, a pair of sunglasses,

Oh.

You reach for them, trying not to touch the gunk that has collected under your bed because of your lazy ass not wanting to clean anything.

You put them on, and lay back down on your bed. You check your phone and see a ''You have 1 new message" notification at the top of the screen. 

 

TT: Just got home.

TT: Did Dirk say anything?

TG: no

TG: big surprise

TG: bet the guy just gave up on being an asshole to me

TT: I don't think that's the case.

TG: pessimism at its finest folks

TG: whatever

TG: anyway

TG: i was gonna say thanks for meeting up with me

TT: Don't mention it, Dave. 

TG: right

TG: so

TG: wyd

TT: Laying down, listening to Roxy blast some loud ass music in her room. 

TT: I think she's crying?

TG: why

TT: I'll go check up on her.

TT: Brb.

TG: ok

 

You are Rose Lalonde.

You go to your sister's room and knock on her door. No answer. You knock again, and this time a bit louder than before. Much, much louder than before.

You can hear the music's volume go down, and you hear a soft click of the door.

You see your sister, tears streaming down her face. Black tears, you would say. She's sniffling and she's only looking slightly annoyed that you bothered her.

"What d'ya want?" She slurs, obviously drunk.

"Do you mind turning the volume down?" You regret being so... Disconnected from her. She was crying, after all. You wish you would have said something nicer.

She turns the music off.

"Is that'it?" You nod at her question, and just as you were about to turn around, you speak.

"Are you...okay?" You ask the girl currently leaning on the door frame, still sniffling.

"Dirk and I broke up," 

You weren't surprised, to be quite honest. This was like, their 19th breakup so far?

You awkwardly place your hand on Roxy's shoulder and 'ssh' her. She looks at the ground and cries a bit more before leading you into her room. You take a seat on her bed, and she just leans on a wall with her arms crossed.

"Did you break up with him? Or vice versa," You asked.

"I broke up with him," Typical answer.

Your sister was always the one to call it off, even if there wasn't a logical reason behind it. But you were quite sure that she didn't really want to hurt Dirk. Maybe she was in need of some distance?

"Why?" She begins to sob at your question, so you take a deep breath and speak again.

"I like what you've done with your curtains. I can sense a kind of gothic vibe," 

"Gothic? God no, that's your thing." She responds, giggling.

You are quite surprised that even though the music Roxy was listening to was loud as fuck, your mother showed no signs of being awake. Maybe she was?

"Is mom home, Roxy?"

"Dunno, haven't seen her today." She wipes her runny nose with the back of her hand, and sits down next to you.

She looks at you for a long time, and then speaks.

"How're things with you and, um, David?"

"Dave," You correct.  
"Call him Dave,"

"And, things are alright. We're just friends." You point out, pondering for a couple of moments on the thought of you and Dave being something _more_ than friends. But the thought made you laugh mentally, so you didn't put any more unnecessary thought into it.

"Huh? That's cool too, I guess."   
"Coooooooooool." She yawns, and falls back onto the bed, making your body jump up ever so slightly.

"I'd better let you rest," Almost ready to get up, Roxy shakes her head.

"Sleep in my room, I don't wanna be alone tonight." Also another typical sentence your sister used.

"Alright, if you say so. But I think I should say goodnight to Dave--"

"Don't sweat it, he's only a _friend_." She gets up and turns the lights off, leaving the both of you in the darkness of the night.


	5. don't just lay there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> up, up you get

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw, rape (non graphic)

You are Jade Harley.  
You are rudely awakened by a loud buzz. And no, it is not from one of your (cute) bunny vibrators.  
You reach for your glasses, not even bothering to clean the smudged fingerprints that had ruined the clear glass. Oh well, you were going to go back to bed again anyway. You reach for your laptop and open up to look at your messages.

CG: JADE

CG: WAKE UP.

GG: what the fuck karkat!!!

GG: i was sleeping :c

GG: what do you want?

CG: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE WHOLE MEENAH SHIT?

CG: BECAUSE THIS IS UN-FUCKING-*BELIEVABLE*

CG: WHO THE FUCK WOULD MURDER THEIR OWN SISTER.

GG: hey im pretty upset about it as much as you are

GG: but is it reaaaally a good time to text me about how mad you are :/

CG: ABSOLUTELY.

CG: WHO ELSE SHOULD I FUCKING MESSAGE?

CG: YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY PERSON WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK.

GG: i have a feeling im not the only person, karkat

GG: there are many people who care about you!!! not just me, ok?

CG: OH REALLY.

CG: ENLIGHTEN ME.

GG: hmmm

GG: terezi

CG: NO.

CG: STOP RIGHT THERE.

GG: stop denying it!

GG: she cares about you dummy

CG: YEAH RIGHT.

CG: SHE HASN'T TALKED TO ME FOR A FUCKING WEEK.

GG: maybe shes just confused karkat!

GG: try to understand her c:

CG: DO YOU THINK IM NOT TRYING TO UNDERSTAND HER.

CG: DO YOU REALLY FUCKING THINK THAT?

GG: ughhh

GG: its not about me

CG: DUH.

CG: HOW MUCH TIME DOES SHE FUCKING NEED? I CAN'T WAIT FOR FUCKING EVER.

GG: maybe you should ask her i guess???

GG: have you even tried messaging her

GG: ?????

CG: GOOD IDEA.

CG: I'M SO FUCKING STUPID FOR NOT THINKING OF THAT.

GG: its kinda not the time to be sarcastic karkat

CG: I'M NOT BEING SARCASTIC.

CG: I'M BEING A HUNDRED PERCENT SERIOUS ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A *FUCKING* IDIOT I AM.

GG: well you know what they say

GG: if you love something fight for it 

GG: hehe c:

CG: RIGHT.

GG: <333

Your sleep has ran off to another realm at this point, so you decide to do something else until your sleep comes back.

"Bec?" You call out for your dog. He's probably sleeping.  
You call out his name again and you can hear the pitter patter of his paws against the white marbled floor.

You grab one of his leashes, and as an immediate response he starts to wiggle his tail about, and you giggle a little.

You give him a gentle pat to the head, put on a pair of flip flops and leave your apartment.

It was about 3 AM in the morning and you were glad that no one in the right mind would go outside at such a time like this.

Bec was strong, and he liked to lowkey use his power to ruin your day. So as a dog, why not run off to a crowded park where all the gangs hang out. How fucking lovely.

You could only wish for him not to drag you off with him, but oh look, you're on the ground and your knees ache. After a while of being dragged onto both grass and cool pavement, you find yourself still and in a park. With multiple people. Staring at you.

"Jaaaaade Harley," A familiar voice calls out. Why so familiar? The figure comes closer to you, and you slightly feel the urge to back away. 

The person, you now assume male, holds his hand out to you kindly, and you are hesitant to take it, but you do anyway. The male tells his friends to leave the both of you alone, and they walk off, laughing. You're not sure if they're laughing at you, or at something else. He sits on the nearest bench, and you feel like you're supposed to join him, so you do. Bec is seen in the distance, rolling around in the grass.

"Haven't seen you for a long time," The boy (or should you say, man) says. 

You don't really remember who the fuck this guy is, and you really don't care. 

"Don't remember me?" He asks, somewhat hopeful.

And then you seem to have certain memories flood back to you, and you _really_ wanna go home now.

"Oh, you're Eridan." You accidentally say aloud.

He laughs and nods.

"How's life been treatin' you, Harley?" He asks, his british accent making you feel intimidated. There was something you quite couldn't put your finger on when it it came to british accents. 

You shrug, and ask "You?"

He shrugs aswell. Both of you sit in the silence awkwardly and then you feel a hand going up and down your leg. You clench and unclench your fists and evaluate on whether you should punch him in the face or not. You gulp and slap his hand away.

"Woah, calm down, Jade. Just tryin' to have some fun,"

"I don't want to have fun--"

"You're missing out," He leans in, getting closer and closer, as if he was thinking about kissing you. The thought makes you uncomfortable, so you lean back, away from him, and then get off of the bench.

He grunts and pulls on your wrist aggressively, only for you to let out a yelp. That yelp was enough to make Bec charge at Eridan, and you were surprised at how precise Bec was at biting, since he only bit Eridan's arm and not yours.

Eridan yells, and his friends turn around to see your huge ass dog biting the shit out of their friends wrist.

They run towards you, and you pull on Bec's leash and get the fuck out of there, because it was 3 (presumably 4) in the morning and you didn't want any trouble.

And in all of your life of running track throughout your junior years, you don't remember running _this_ fucking fast. 

After a while of running, you stopped midway to your house to catch your breath, and Eridan nor his friends were anywhere to be seen.

Which is good, since they weren't behind you, and bad, since you weren't sure if they'd pop the fuck up in front of you. Oh well, you thought, keep running.

When you finally reach your apartment, you reach for the pockets of your denim shorts and realize that they weren't on you. Great.

You had two options,  
1\. Re-trace your steps and find your keys.  
2\. Go to Jane's house and sleep over, then call a locksmith.

But for some reason, the first option seemed easier.You tie Bec to the door knob with his leash, and tell him you'll be back in half an hour. He understood you, right? He was a smart dog, after all.

So you huff and puff, and go back to that god forsaken park, praying that those punk rejects weren't still there.

You sigh in relief as there is no one to be seen, and you begin to look around for your house keys. You feel a slight tap on your shoulder, and you freeze.

"Lookin' for these?" The same voice from earlier calls out.

You turn around swiftly and try to snatch the keys from where you had thought he had them, but you awkwardly flailed around. 

"Give them back, jerk!" 

"Not with that attitude," He gives you a nasty smirk, and you don't understand what he means at first, but when you do, you are wide eyed and ready to leave already. Fuck your house keys. You're too late to realize, he hugs your neck with his arm, and holds you steadily in place.He packs himself into your mouth, and you notice that he's already inching his fingers up your thigh, and in that moment you can feel hot tears fall from your eyes and down your cheeks.

"Stop," You try to say loud enough, but your throat has pressure on it and you can barely breathe.

The next thing you know, you're on the ground and your shorts are crudely undone. You can barely feel your legs, but you can feel the small pebbles below your head. You get off the ground with wobbly legs, pull your pants up and flinch at the cold that comes in contact with your womanhood.

 _Your house keys_.

You take a deep breath and fish the metal out from your underwear, and go home.


	6. try, try

You are Damara Megido.

You are crying.

The reason, well. It's simple.

Not only because now you know you have a 0% chance of getting with Meenah, but also because you'll probably never ever get to see her again. You honestly wish you would have told her your feelings, but fuck feelings, you're trying to get rid of them.

Porrim: I fail to+ understand why yo+u're so+ bo+thered by this.

Porrim: Is it because o+f Feferi?

Porrim: O+r is it because o+f Meenah?

Damara: You already know answer to this.

Porrim: No+, I really do+n't.

Damara: You should.

Damara: Is because of Meenah.

Porrim: I see.

Porrim: Do+ yo+u want to+ talk abo+ut it? 

Porrim: I ho+nestly think talking abo+ut this situatio+n will make yo+u feel much better.

Damara: Maybe.

Porrim: I must ask yo+u a questio+n abo+ut yo+ur, ehm, feelings fo+r Meenah.

Damara: Ask.

Porrim: Do+ yo+u feel a certain way abo+ut her? Why is she different? 

Porrim: Ho+w deep are yo+ur feelings?

Damara: A lot deep.

Damara: She is different to me. The way she call me names and tries to hurt my feelings makes me feel like I am loved.

Damara: It is love, yes?

Porrim: I do+n't think it is.

Porrim: If the lo+t o+f yo+u ended up to+gether, I am quite sure that it wo+uld be an excruciatingly abusive relatio+nship.

Porrim: But, the chances o+f yo+u and her ending up to+gether is fairly lo+w.

Porrim: I'm so+rry.

Damara: No.

Damara: I don't understand.

Damara: Why doesnt she love me?

Porrim: Meenah is a co+mplicated perso+n. 

Porrim: I do+n't think I can answer yo+ur questio+n accurately.

Damara: What she sees in Vriska?

What wrong with me?

Porrim: No+thing, sweetheart.

Porrim: No+thing is wro+ng with yo+u.

Damara: Why doesnt she love me?

Porrim: It's no+t yo+u.

Porrim: It's her.

Porrim: Yo+u'll find so+meo+ne else.

Damara: Im not feeling good.

Damara: Tired.

Porrim: O+kay. Text me when yo+u're feeling better.

Porrim: I'll make sure to+ reply as so+o+n as I see yo+ur message.

 

You turn your phone off and bury yourself within the blood red covers of your bed. The last time you felt this shitty was, well Vriska and Meenah began to date.

It started off with passing notes in class, then it went to kissing in hallways when they thought nobody was there. But you were. You always were. They never seemed to notice, though.

What was up with this attachment to Meenah? Why did you feel like this? 

Maybe because, when nobody noticed you in those school hallways, she did.  
Hey loser, she'd say. 

You truly miss her, and you wish that maybe, just _maybe_ you could feel her lips against yours. You cry more at the thought since you knew it was impossible, to love and to be loved back.

You are constantly tired of giving relationships your all, and getting nothing in return.

But nothing hurt as much as this did.

Your past of relationships with men has never been this intense.

Was it... was it because you're not who you think you are?  
You turn your phone on and text Porrim.

Damara: Am I lesbian.

Porrim: I do+n't think yo+u are.

Porrim: Do+ yo+u o+r do+ yo+u no+t carry sexual/ro+mantic feelings fo+r men?

Damara: ...

Damara: I dont know.

Porrim: Yo+u've dated men befo+re, co+rrect?

Damara: Yes.

Damara: I have never been with woman.

Porrim: Hmm.

Porrim: I ho+nestly think yo+u sho+uld experiment.

Porrim: Maybe find so+meo+ne, particularly female, and befriend her in ho+pe fo+r ro+mantic activity.

Porrim: I'd say, go+ to+ a lesbian bar.

Damara: What.

Damara: I don't think so.

Damara: I'm not lesbian.

Porrim: Do+n't try to+ deny yo+ur sexuality.

Damara: I am not.

Porrim: Well, yo+u like girls. Let's start with that.

Damara: Maybe.

Porrim: Yo+u like Meenah. And she identifies as female.

Porrim: So+ it is co+nfirmed that yo+u indeed do+ experience attractio+n fo+r females.

Porrim: Do+ yo+u no+t?

Damara: Yes.

Porrim: Do+ yo+u also+ have any type o+f attractio+n to+ bo+ys?

Damara: I have date them.

Damara: So yes.

Porrim: Dating men do+esn't necessarily mean yo+u like them.

Porrim: It can also+ mean that since yo+u think it is co+mmo+n fo+r wo+men to+ date men, yo+u go+ alo+ng with the stereo+type.

Porrim: Am I wro+ng?

Damara: Kiss me.

Damara: It is only way to find out.

Porrim: I do+n't think it will be much help.

Porrim: But if yo+u say so+.

Porrim: If it helps yo+u in finding yo+ur sexuality, why no+t try? 

Porrim: I'll be there in half an ho+ur.

 

And you wait, and wait, and wait.

You even finish painting a portrait of Audrey Hepburn. It was a work in process, and you had already been meaning to finish it.

You go to the bathroom to wash your hands, and tie your hair up with a scrunchy that happened to be laying around.

A tuned knock at the door, most likely from Porrim, is heard throughout your apartment.

You answer the door in a haste and see Porrim, tattoos scattered around her chest and her arms, a few facial piercings adorning her face.

"Hello," She says, and enters your house without feeling the need to ask. She takes her shoes off before entering, and that makes you feel glad that she's probably one of the few people you knew that cared about your culture. Wearing shoes indoor was a rude and unhygienic act.

"Where do I sit?" She asks.

"Living room," You say, guiding her to said place. She takes a seat on the couch.

"Shall we kiss?" You ask, excited for the moment of truth.

She nods and leans in, and you just sit there for a moment trying to get used to the touch of her soft lips on yours. She's pretty good at this, you think to yourself.

She breaks away from the kiss, and you kind of miss the sensation of her lips on yours. 

"Anything?" She asks, tucking a stray hair behind her pierced ear.

"Nothing." You shook your head, trying to delete the romantic feelings you were starting to slightly develop for Porrim. She was your friend. 

Friends = Off limits.

"Oh. That's...underwhelming." She says. 

"What?"

"I've got to get going, thanks for having me. Tell Mrs. Megido I said hi," She says, getting up from the couch way too quickly for your liking.

"Was I bad at kiss?" You ask, trying to stop her from leaving.

She shakes her head, puts her shoes on and leaves your apartment in only a matter of minutes.


	7. fade away with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gamzee wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s: gamzee is schizophrenic

You are Gamzee Makara.

You wake up in a clearing. Your head is pounding, your stomach growling. You don't know what you did the night before.  
There is something in the yellow and almost dead grass next to you.

You blink, for a second you thought that you had a dead body next to you. You chuckle at the thought.

"Tavros, man, what the motherfuck did we do last night?" You say, trying to string together a few memories.

He doesn't respond.

You sigh, and let him sleep. 

There were multiple blunts on the ground, both smoked and unsmoked. 

You pick one up from the ground, reach around for a lighter and sigh in defeat when you can't find it.

You suddenly recall that Tavros had a lighter in the breast pocket of his shirt. You wander your hands around his shirt, not even bothering to turn around and look at is face. You grip something slippery with your right hand, and raise your eyebrows.

You turn around and see Tavros, with his head and body separate from each other. A few hickeys adorning his neck, and chin. You suddenly feel sick.

"Tavros?" You back away from the body, not even caring how the grass would stain your pants. You breathe heavily and get up clumsily to go vomit behind a tree.

Who the fuck would do this to him? How could you let this happen to your beloved boyfriend? You vomit more, tears and bile escaping your body.

You look back at him, his face pale and his lips chapped. You collapse beside the tree and sob, for 10 minutes give or take.

You go back to his body, dreading every step you take. You didn't want to see him like this, hell, who the fuck would want to see their boyfriend with a severed head?

You touch his hands, cold.  
You touch his cheek, cold.

You shake your head furiously and pick up his limp and lifeless body, supporting his body weight with yours. You pick up his head and tuck it under your armpit. You walk all the way home, crying and shaking.

It starts to rain midway, and you didn't want Tavros's body to get wet so you stupidly take your clothes off and put them on him, as if it would be any type of help. 

Butt naked, you finally reach your home. You place Tavros on the ground, and walk to the bathroom to take a shower. 

You pick up your phone and read your text messages.

 

TG: yo dude what the fuck

TG: you left me on read bro

TC: I'm SoRrY mY mAn

TC: DiDn'T wAnNa MoThErFuCkIn RePlY tOo SoOn

TC: WaS hAnGiNg OuT wItH tAvRoS, aNd ShIt

TG: cool

TG: i wrote some new shit 

TG: wanna see it

TC: MoThErFuCk YeAh I dO mAn

TC: MoThErFuCkIn SeNd ThAt ShIt

TG: ahaha ok dude

 

You wait for Dave to send you some rapping material, and decide to drag Tavros away from the door and stuff him in your closet.

You should probably clean him up first, though. 

You wash his face, clean his ears and even wash his hair with some minty smelling shampoo. It was green and shit, pretty cool.

His eyes were still wide open, and you kind of liked how his brown eyes were staring at you, so you don't bother to close them.

And his clothes were wet, so you hoist him up onto your bathroom counter and dry him up a bit with a blowdryer that happened to be laying around.

"Alright man, time to get you motherfuckin' ready for a sleepover," 

You check your phone again. There was a file titled sickassmotherfuckinrap.png. You click on it and your eyes behold a pretty well made rap, if you do say so yourself.

After a few hours of rapping via skype with Dave, you turn your computer off and get in your bed. 

"You okay, man?" You call out to Tavros who was sitting down, against a wall.

You didn't feel like he was comfortable with his current place, so you drag him to your bed, give him a kiss on the forehead and shut your eyes.

You murmur a "Night dude," and fall into a deep and peaceful slumber.

There was something just so peaceful about you falling asleep next to your slaughtered boyfriend, you really couldn't put your finger on it.


	8. i went too far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and, i'm sorry

You are Meenah Peixes. 

You see your girlfriend for the first time in days, you jump off of your chair and disappointment hits you, because of the glass in between the two of you.

"Hey there, dream girl." She says, dreamily touching the glass. 

"Yo, Serket." Your eyes never seem to leave her as she takes a seat in front of you.

It was only you, the thick glass, and her.

You are still standing, but she motions for you to sit down as well.

"It's been three days," She says to you.

"Did'ya ditch school for me?"

"Didn't even go to school," She smiles, and puts her hand on the counter.

"D'awh, such a good girlfriend." You smile a toothy grin and also, put your hand on the counter.

"The best there is," She says.

"Y'know, I dreamt of ya' last night." You trace the silicone between the glass and the counter. Silicone? Really?

"Ooh, what was I doing?" 

"Me," You laugh, she just rolls her eyes.

"Nah, but really. I saw you,"

"Was it a lucid dream?" 

"No, no. We were sittin' in a tree, and shit." You continue to speak,

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G." You wink, or at least, try to.

"Ha-ha, very funny."

"I've missed you," You say as soon as she finishes her sentence.

She lets out a small breath, some sort of bitter-sweet laugh.

"Why are you so selfish?" She asks, all of a sudden. Your smile turns into a frown.

"I'm sorry, Vriska. I didn't want shit to end like this, y'know?"

"No, I don't."

"Look, baby, I just couldn't stand Fefer--" Your tone of voice gets a tad bit higher, before Vriska cuts you off.

"So you killed her because you were jealous?"

"I wasn't jealous," You scoff.

"What was it then?"

"Okay, maybe I was a lil' jealous,"

"Why didn't you think about what would happen after you killed her? Why didn't you think about your mom? Your dad? About us?"  
"Why didn't you think about what would happen to _me_?"

"Fuck, not everythin's about you!" You shake your head.

"I'm not my sister! Don't treat me like I am!" She yells, brows furrowed.

"Oh really? 'Cuz I think you're actin' just like her," You snort.

"Why are you throwing her under the bus? I thought she was your best friend," 

"Was," You say a bit too uncaringly.

"Whatever. I'm leaving. Have fun with your smelly cell mates, i'm done." She says, pushing her chair back to get up. She turns around just as she's leaving, and she looks at you with probably a million things on her mind. You reach for her, but you are stopped by the glass. Fuck. What did she mean by done? Did she just, fuckin', break up with you?

You are Vriska Serket.  
You already regret breaking up with her.

You walk to a dark blue car and see John already asleep in the passenger seat. You tap on the window.

"Wake up, doofus."

"Aww, why'd you wake me up?"

You get in the driver's seat.

"I broke up with her," You whisper, banging your head into the steering wheel.

"How come?" He asks you.

"Don't ask, just-- don't." You start the car and drive off. You turn the radio on, it was already at its highest volume setting.

"Alright, if you say so." He shouts, trying to get his voice to be heard by you.

After about an hour, you drop John off at his house. You then go to yours.

You run up the stairs of your apartment, scramble through your purse for the hope of finding your keys sooner or later.

When you do, you shove the key into the lock, open the door, and speed walk to your room.

Within an hour, you are sobbing and have gone through three tubs of blueberry flavored ice cream.

Your phone buzzes.

EB: hey vriska!

EB: are you home yet?

You reply to him, wiping away a few tears.

EB: vriska?

AG: What?

EB: just wondering.

EB: listen, im really sorry about the whole breakup thing.

AG: So am I.

AG: 8ut I don't think 8eing sorry is going to change anything.

EB: maybe it will?

EB: apologize the next time you visit her maybe?

AG: There won't 8e a next time, John.

AG: I'm not going 8ack there.

EB: dont you want to get back together?

AG: I don't know.

AG: I know it's not going to work out 8etween us.

AG: I can't go see her everyday, John.

AG: I crave 8eing touched, 8eing kissed.

EB: man that sucks.

AG: I don't know what makes me feel worse?

AG: Telling her that i'd 8e there no matter what,

AG: or for 8r8king up with her.

EB: dont worry about it.

EB: everythings gonna get better i guess?

AG: Not for Meenah.

AG: Not for me. Not for us.

EB: only time can tell that.

EB: we just have to wait and see.

AG: W8 for what?

AG: For one of us to die?

AG: She's never getting out of there, John.

AG: I'll never 8e a8le to hold her again.

EB: woah, calm down.

EB: its only ten years.

AG: Ten years is too much.

EB: we'll find a way.


	9. ive been trying to move on, we both know im not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> major feelz

You are John Egbert. And you are going to do something you will probably regret.

EB: hey, vriska. can we talk?  
EB: its something really important.  
EB: like really important.  
AG: Sure, John.   
EB: right.  
EB: remember two years ago?  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha. That time Terezi swallowed my 8 8all?  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
EB: what?  
EB: no.  
EB: terezi swallowed an eight ball?  
AG: Weren't you there dummy?  
AG: It was hilarious. Hahahahahahahaha.  
EB: anyway.  
EB: i was going to talk about that night we were sitting on daves porch?  
EB: yknow.  
AG: I don't remem8er that John.  


You sigh, and you are beginning to feel a bubbly sensation pile up in the depths of your stomach. You should have eaten dinner before this. Oh well, your dad could wait, couldn't he? 

AG: Were we drunk?  
EB: erm........  
EB: no.  
AG: Excuse me for not remem8ering what happened!  
EB: don't blame you, vris. haha.  
AG: Cut to the chase already John!!!!!!!!  
EB: well.  
EB: we kinda kissed.  
EB: or, made out as id like to say.  
AG: ........  
AG: Why are you 8ringing this up now?  
AG: Do you have a crush on me or something?  
EB: i don't know?  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!  
AG: John! Stop with the jokes!  
AG: I honestly cant stop laughing!  
EB: i'm not joking.  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha! You? Crushing on me?  
AG: John stop! This is too much of a prank!  
AG: Not gonna fall for this again!  
AG: Thanks for cheering me up though!  
EB: i'm serious.  
EB: not to be weird or anything but like.  
EB: i'm in love with you.  
AG: John!!!!!!!!  
AG: Stop I cant 8reathe!  
EB: can we meet up?  
AG: John its 8pm.  
EB: please?  
EB: i really need to talk to you.  
AG: Whats wrong John?   
EB: ill tell you.  
EB: just  
EB: please pick me up or something.  
AG: Aranea "8orrowed" my car.  
EB: i don't mind walking.  
AG: John, my house is 16 miles away you tool.  
EB: ill be there.  
EB: see ya.  


You throw your computer to the side, and put on some random hoodie. You take a swift look at the mirror, and groan. You really need a haircut and your glasses have like 6 million finger prints on them. 

Your father questions you as you rush down the stairs, and just as he is about to say "Dinner" you unlock the door and run out, grabbing your crappy converse, also crappily painted in blue and also in crappy cheap quality. Crappy, but comfortable. 

You were glad that you decided to wear your hoodie, it was absolutely fucking cold outside and you had a long way to walk. 

After the first few miles you stop to sit on a dusty curb, and fumble with your shoelaces. 

You walk a bit more, ankles aching and feet probably swollen. It was worth it, maybe? 

You arrive at Vriska's house after an hour or two, and the lights are off. Except for maybe one? You didn't really look at the windows, more at the dead plants that decorated her "garden"(it was not a 'fucking garden, I hate plants'). 

You ring the doorbell, and Vriska opens the door at the second ring. Good start. 

She is wearing a pirate onesie, and her hair is so fucked up you can barely differentiate between her hair being tied into a bun, or her hair being even tied up at all. 

She smiles slightly and opens the door wider, and you kinda walk in. Kinda. 

"Your rooms upstairs right?" You say stupidly. She quirks an eyebrow in surprise and half disappointment, since you've been up to her room for multiple occasions, totally not suspicious occasions. Nope. 

"We can just talk here, Johnny." 

Stupidest nickname ever, but you decided that you kinda liked it when she called you that. 

You shove your hands into your pockets and take a seat on the ground. She grabs a coffee mug that had spider webs on them. You honestly didn't know if they were actually spiderwebs, or just _really_ realistic. You don't comment on it. 

She looks at you as if she is waiting for you to speak, when you don't, she does. 

"What's wrong?" She asks, groaning. 

"Um. Nothing?" Your voice gets higher during the end of the sentence. 

"I think I know what your problem is about, but I don't want to discuss it because it's kinda pathetic." 

Your heart kinda breaks, but its cool. Totally cool. Maybe it was another topic she thinks you'd talk about. Maybe she thought you'd complain about your dad or something. 

"Coffee?" She directs the coffee to you, dark brown liquid sloshing around and some of it dribbling from the edge of the mug. 

"I was serious about the, y'know, whole 'I love you' thing." 

She pauses for a moment, and begins to laugh so hard she snorts like those piggies at the farm. Cute piggies. Cute Vriska. 

When she realizes you're not laughing with her, she stops laughing and the smile on her face drops. 

"You're not joking...?" 

"No, no, i'm not." 

She makes a face you can't describe, but its kinda like the face everyone makes when they say "uh oh". 

"I don't feel the same, John." She doesn't have a gram of apologetic quality to her tone, and your eyes start to well up. 

You stay quiet and try to think about positive shit, but honestly, you feel like your heart is about to shrivel up and die, like your now ground level pride, self esteem, and will to love. (You'd still love her no matter what, though.) 

"But that kiss--" You plead, Vriska cuts you off, rolling her eyes. 

"--Was two years ago. I didn't know you'd think more of it, John." 

"But the se--" 

"Also two years ago, I was confused. I thought I liked boys." She looks at you up and down, "Apparently i'm not." 

Not only did she deny your love, she made you feel like she was only interested in girls because of you being terrible in bed, and everything in general. 

You swallow your urge to cry. 

"We can still be friends, i'll forget about this, John." 

" _I won't_ " You uncross your legs and get up, your hands still in your pockets. She just watches as you leave, with an unamused, maybe even sad facial expression. 

You have a hard time even unlocking the damn door, so you just let the tears pour out of your saddened blue eyes. You finally stumble out, tripping and falling a few times on your run home. 

Your throat ached and your legs were going to give out at any second, but you beared with it and when you went home, your dad could only look at you as you run upstairs.


End file.
